Solving the Mysterious

Achievement Problem

Underachievement results when some things go wrong both at home and school. Underachievers deny themselves the opportunity to build confidence because they direct their energies toward avoiding the relationship between process and outcome, between effort and achievement.

Dependence and Dominance

Well-intentioned parenting mistakes frequently have the effect of destroying parenting leadership. The children learn rituals of either unusual dependence or dominance, or both. These dependent and dominant patterns begin to feel natural to children and parents alike. Parents often believe that teachers and the school structure will resolve their children’s problems or that children will mature out of them. Dependent and dominant children may have practiced their control patterns in relating to adults for several years before they enter school. These patterns seem to work well for them, and they know no others. They may carry them to the classroom from home or learn them in the classroom. They continue to use them to preserve their fragile self-concepts.

The dependency pattern is often masked as insecurity, immaturity, passivity, or learning disabilities. Dependent underachievers ask for more help than they require. They may insist on having parents sit with them while they do their homework. Dominant underachievers are more vociferous in arguing about why they shouldn’t have to do their work; they tend to blame teachers or parents for their problems. They like to pick and choose only the schoolwork they enjoy.

Preventing Underachievement

Parenting by positive expectations can be extraordinarily successful for children both in school and out. If high achievement, positive attitudes, and constructive behavior are expected and reinforced by parents, they will become internalized by the child. Parents should share with their children realistic and positive views of achievement.

Model hard work and satisfaction of accomplishment. Hard work is not enough. Hard-working parents who constantly complain about their jobs are not good role models. Children should hear their parents speak in a more balanced way about the satisfactions of achievement. Imitation of good role models is very important in the reversal of underachievement.

Voice your sincere respect for educational institutions and teachers. Children avoid work and learning if teachers are not respected by their parents. Set up a regular communication with the child’s teacher.

Help your children cope with competition. Explain that being best is not as important as doing their best, and that winning and losing are temporary. Discuss effort, problem-solving strategies, creative-thinking processes, and ways of dealing with failure. "Magical" thinking, which emphasizes success by luck and without effort, causes problems for children. Children who give up easily and get by with a minimum of effort have little or no confidence in their abilities to function successfully. Children build confidence by achievement.

Encourage independence in your children without giving them more power than they can handle. Parents should be clearly in charge, although children should be able to make choices and voice opinions within limits. Encourage your children’s strengths and interests. Emphasize the positive, and plan fun family activities even if family time is limited. Limit screen time, including television, video/computer games, and the Internet.

For more information about reversing the problem of underachievement, consult Why Bright Kids Get Poor Grades.

For more strategies on raising happy, achieving children, consult
How to Parent So Children Will Learn, See Jane Win, and How Jane Won.

See a related Parenting Article: Rimm's Laws